July 1, 2013

random thoughts for a change

My posts have been very image-intensive this past, what, year? 2 Years? I'm not even sure. But I thought it was about time that I wrote some words for a change. I have kept this blog going for a long time, six years I think, and I always had something to say and some time to write it. When I first started the blog I had one child and three cats. Now I have three kids, 3 cats, in around 50 chickens, five gardens, two lambs, one goat and a dog. I'm busy, but the word doesn't give credence to the reality of my non-stop activity level. Needless to say, I don't have one moment in the day all to myself, and that's not so good. I do get a little chunk of time every couple weeks where miraculously, the little ones actually go to bed when they are supposed to and of course I squander the time away wandering in nervous circles around the house, picking up stray toys, washing the counters, sweeping the floor, and then making tea and thinking how valuable this time is and that I would love to do something creative, invigorating or spiritually nurturing, but that just doesn't happen right now, not in this mothering-intensive section of my existence. I really beat myself up for a few years, thinking that I should be accomplishing way more even though it just was not possible, and now that I have broken, now that something inside of me snapped and released the pattern of thinking, I am much freer. I am realistic and also very forgiving of myself. I also feel much more peace during my days, despite the heavy work load. It's all inside of you, it really is - the way you think and view the world IS your world.

Your life and moments are what they are. You are what you do. I am a mama, I am a homesteader. I am, inside my very construct, an artist. I do not have time to play in the manner of which I would choose, but if I could, I'm sure I would do something fresh and new..like learn pottery, weaving or belly dancing..

 Please don't think I am griping here because indeed, I am not at all. In the end of all things, when I get away from the self-pressure and expectations and too much thinking all the time, I am so happy with my kids and lambs and chickens. I love my life, love the daily rhythms and hard work that never ends. I love the sense of purpose and the lack of idleness.

When I walk in the pasture, everyone comes. Ollie, Jude, the lambs, the dog and the goat, sometimes even a chicken or two. We walk in the wind and tall grass and everyone frolicks around me and I trip many times on a small child or lamb who stops abrubtly, we get tangled up in the dog's leash and I have to give up and sit down on the old fallen tree that we use precisely for this purpose. When I sit down, everyone gathers and snuggles around me and I just think to myself, Wow. I created this. I loved all of these beings so much that they genuinely want to walk with me in this pasture, and I get all teary and that's silly. So we go in and make tea.

Random thoughts. Now I will take my own advice and make a wondrous hot cup of tea, after I walk the dog and feed the lambies their night-time bottle of course! (:

(Jude's nature collection from the pasture)


2 comments:

  1. When I sit in the barn with all the sheep surrounding me and my lambs with their heads on my lap, I am truly at peace. Brings tears of joy to my eyes :-)
    These are the events that create true happiness I believe....lovely post :-)

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  2. Jody, I think you are a woman after my own heart. I could spend my whole day in the barn; it is my favourite place to be,, and whenever I have a spare solitary monent I sneak outside and sit on a stump to pet the lambs. When I'm struggling, I do the same. I love them so much, their quiet presence brings me absolute peace.
    (:

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