January 28, 2009

Wednesday thoughts of Women's Wisdom

I love this book! Wonderful!

I have my first appointment with a nurse-midwife this afternoon. I am optimistic and hopeful about this experience, having dealt with strictly medical nurses and doctors at the last health facility I was a part of..

My daughter, born eight years ago, was caught by the experienced hands of a Canadian midwife. There were a team of three actually,, and the care I received from them all during my pregnancy was outstanding. Now, if you wish to have a genuine midwife attend your prenatal visits and birth here in the US, you must pay out-of-pocket, something near $4000. Quite out of the question for us at this time, although I did research every option.
So,, we discovered that there were indeed nurse-midwives at a Kaiser facility in the next city. Yay! A new experience, and hopefully a positive, beautiful one.

I am not one who enjoys the medical atmosphere, and indeed, it makes me nervous just thinking about weird interventional machines and such. I am no fool; If there is a problem along the way I am just as grateful as the next person that I have the opportunity to receive a medical quick-fix, especially of it concerns the life of my baby. BUT I know that my body is also quite capable of birthing and I don't need any medical-minded individual to steal looks at a clock to assess my progress or tell me what position to get into or when I need to push. These things, I am confident about. I hate hospital gowns and I don't want any tubes connected to me. In short, being pregnant doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you, so it seems a bit odd to be walking into a hospital in that state. Hmm...
I am determined to, when the time comes, labour at home as long as I can so I can keep my focus. Well, we shall see how it all turns out.
I look forward to this midwife meeting today because I have a load of questions to ask,, and I am hopeful that she will make the time to actually answer them, and not skim over my concerns and then blast out the door for the next patient, as all the other medical practicioners have done.
Yes, we will see.

At any rate, I am reading this wonderful novel, called The Red Tent by Anita Diamant. It was recommended to me by an old friend and I am so glad she did so. Living in California, so far from my Mother and sister and girlfriends, I do feel rather lonely and isolated, especially now that I am pregnant. I think it is instinctual for many women to crave the companionship of other women at such a profoundly feminine time in their lives, and I harbour a great sadness that I cannot do this. But,, thank goodness for this great book! It is all about the woman's experience, and has been a great friend to me. I would recommend it to any woman, truly.

On that note, I have my day planned which is new for me (-:
I will go for a morning stroll, Then return home to cut/sew some new baby clothes! I have some great ideas, and I have already made a bunch of patterns. Yay!

January 27, 2009

Late morning thoughts on a Tuesday

(this happens to be a beautiful tiled wall in Santa Fe, New Mexico)

I have the celtic music playing and just finished smudging the apartment, and so it seems like the perfect time to sit down and let some thoughts come forth..

We did some fun things on the weekend.. Saturday we spent in Oakland's Chinatown, partaking of the New Year's celebration. We got there just in time for the wonderful Lion Dance, strolled around a bit looking at all the vendor's wares, and then popped into a bakery to choose a variety of Chinese pastries and desserts which we had never eaten before. I liked the sponge cake the best, while Isabella loved her specially chosen round coconut dessert. I cannot remember if Jason had a favourite; I don't think so (-: It was fun to try a bunch of new things with new tastes, textures and ingredients (-:

On the walk home, we took a peek inside the huge new Roman Catholic cathedral that was just recently built, and then relaxed for a short while at home before zipping back out to buy me a hot water bottle (I am in love and my aching pregnant bones are so grateful) and yummy treats from the drug store, as well as a movie from the library. We used all three as soon as we returned home (-:
It certainly wasn't the healthiest day in terms of sugary snacks but we did walk for hours! Sunday was a bit of a downer for me, I don't know why,, Could be hormones but I'm not altogether sure. Jason and Isabella endeavored to take her skipping rope and new kite to the open area by the park and hopefully meet up with some wind,, and I ended up going along even though I didn't feel up to it. We ended the day with a trip to the Mexican restaurant and then a round of card games at home.

Yesterday I had Bella home with me all day, as it was a PD day for the teachers. She had a blast. She started her day by dressing in ballerina gear and dancing around the apartment to a CD of faerie music, then created a kindergarten class for her dolls and stuffed toys which lasted hours,, changed again and belly danced for me, ate yummy lemon bars that Jason baked the night before, helped me do three loads of laundry and then had a much-needed shower. She needed a day to just play and play and be a kid entirely. Lately our lives are so busy and separate, as she doesn't even arrive home until close to 4 pm when she has to do an hour or more of homework, plus practice her multiplication flash cards and take a shower, while I make dinner and get things washed up and organized for the next day. We have been trying to make more time in the evenings, playing a couple games all together at the end of the day and it has been really, really fun. Time seems to slow down finally and it's beautiful to finally be centered in the present, Not thinking about what needs to happen next.

I miss Isabella and our homeschooling days, when we spent so much time together and everything seemed like such a beautiful flow. Yes, it was tiring too, and I had so much more to juggle, planning her lessons and implementing them while attempting to get my own work done at the same time,, Never with a moment all to myself..But life is change I suppose. And I cannot do everything. I am happy for her, That she has some lovely friends to play with and all these new experiences and opportunities.

Anyway, what am I talking about??! In four months I'll be starting all over again, with a new baby to occupy my moments and thoughts and entire existence! It does please me. I am a person who has never been happier in her life than with a child to love and care for,, and I SO wanted to have more children. (-: Happy me.

With that, I am off to call my Mom. I do hope she is home (-:

January 22, 2009

PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it's a BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is true! I'm pregnant (-: Of course I've known for a while (almost five months now) but I wanted to wait to spread my news to the world (-;

How am I? Delighted. Excited, and so very hopeful. Those who know me well are aware of the past two pregnancies I've experienced, both ending tragically. For two years now my husband and I have wanted to create another child...

It's funny to think that I have been pregnant four times in all. It's amazing really.

The pregnancy and birth of my daughter eight years ago was a breeze. I was deliciously happy throughout my pregnancy, filled with bliss and hardly afflicted with the usual yucky things that come with the territory. I felt energetic and healthier than I had ever been! She was born a few days late; My body was waiting for the full moon to birth her and that is exactly what happened. She came into the world on the last full moon of the millenium. A magical birth with no drugs, no interference, and she was gently caught by the loving hands of my midwives in their small clinic in Toronto as a wild snow blizzard swirled and blew around outside.

The second time around was entirely a different story.

Of course I was elated to discover I was pregnant. I think Jason and I decided to give it a try and a month and a half later, ta-da! But things did not go well. I was sick beyond belief, sad, exhausted beyond the normal parameters of what is expected. I felt like something was just not right, even though the medical people I was dealing with at the time assured me everything seemed to be going normally..

When I was almost five months along I had my larger ultrasound, When the radiologist checks the baby's progress more thoroughly. Within moments I had a specialist before me, telling me there was something wrong, and she sent me across the road to another specialist in another medical building. This one told me that the baby was swollen, the heart was hardly beating, and it would probably die within a day or two.

I could feel it. The next day we took a walk in the country by a lake and at a certain point I just didn't feel pregnant anymore. I just knew. So we called into the hospital and they booked us to come in the next morning. We had a friend care for Isabella and we spent the next 24 hours there while I was induced, laboured for 12 hours and finally birthed a tiny baby boy. He was beautiful and had Jason's lips. It was too far along in the pregnancy to do it in any other way, but all in all it wasn't such a horrific event in itself. I think Jason and I did the majority of our mourning during the previous two days, knowing what was to come.

It's a wonder the poor little one even made it that far,, His heart was oversized and the valves were backwards. There were a bunch of other odd malformations that occurred when he was forming initially which I cannot even recall anymore. It's no wonder the pregnancy was such hell for me. I imagine my body was working ridiculously hard to keep him going..

The third pregnancy ended in miscarriage at about 3 months. Again, I was miserable and sick and felt that something wasn't going right... Strangely, I was more traumatized by this one than by the one that came before. I guess because the previous one was such a shock, and such a fluke happening. With this miscarriage I really just thought it would all come together for us.

All of this happened over a period of over two years. I was violently opposed to trying yet again to become pregnant and decided that I just wouldn't do it. I couldn't go through the suffering and pain and eventual (and at this point, expected) loss again. But of course I changed my mind (-: It took around 7 or 8 months I think.
Life is such a funny thing.

I knew the very night it happened. There was a feeling of magic in it. I drew a lotus blossom on the calendar to mark the conception because that's how certain I was. And indeed, this pregnancy has been lovely in comparison to the past two. In fact, they are nothing the same. I did have a bit of nausea in the first three months but at least I could still eat. And while I have had spells of tiredness, I have also had spurts of energy accompanied with joy for absolutely no reason. My belly is rounding beautifully and Jason is in awe of this miraculous event we have ushered into our lives. My sweet baby has been making his presence known to me for a few weeks now with gentle bumps and kicks which leave me with an immensely peaceful, euphoric feeling which I can liken to the feeling of 'oneness' one can experience when practicing yoga or meditation. And Isabella, she is happy but really wanted a sister so we're working on that one!

Just yesterday we went as a family to my mid-point ultrasound. At first the baby was sleeping and I was panicked at the lack of movement, but then he started to stir and the radiologist mentioned that he was waking up. He then commenced to squirm and flip and roll over, making the job of assessing various body parts very difficult! A beautiful baby boy. And here I was almost certain that it would be a girl, having had dreams that alluded to that fact for months before! Ha! He had a strong little heart, perfectly formed, beating quickly, and was very willing to let us in on the grand secret that he was indeed, a boy (-:

Happy me. Happy day.

I have already made quite a few baby things; many pairs of pants, as well as onesies and t-shirts printed with Jason's and my artwork, felt booties, blankets, and I will begin knitting a sweater or two very soon. Jason brilliantly decorated a vintage wooden high chair ages ago in anticipation of a new family addition, and I have been collectin board books enough to fill the high chair!

Yes. All is very well indeed.

January 17, 2009

boopity boop

Well, well, well,, 'Tis Saturday and we've just returned from a brief
venture into town where we walked to the library, The Sacred Well
(favourite store) and Los Cantaros for some delicious Mexican fare.

We're all pretty tired. The week has been long. I have been unable to
finalize all my newest works and post them to etsy although they are
nearly finished now. I should have calmed myself down and endeavored
to finish one at a time, instead of working on a bunch all over the place.
I was just so eager to complete all of them!

I'm a silly girl sometimes. But that's ok.

Here's some recent pictures of the exciting happenings going on here!
Mabel tried to read Jason's book...

She sat in a basket and looked utterly adorable...

And she gave me bunny kisses.
'Till later..

January 6, 2009

pretty bird on blue

I just posted this lovely bird to my etsy shop.
Isn't she pretty?
I love her blue background (-:
Also, this crazy, bright treasury I made turned up on the front page
of etsy this afternoon! Usually I tend to lean towards more earthy,
subdued colours but thought I would try something different;
something with lots of energy and I guess it worked!
A couple of the artists made a sale too! Hooray!


I have spent much of the afternoon chatting with my wonderful
Mother on the phone. I am always so rejuvenated and positive
and feel like I can do and accomplish anything after connecting with her.
It is my wish to one day be as wise and loving and supportive as she is,
affecting everyone around me in such a profound way as she does.

January 4, 2009

three yays

My big bunny has been featured on Crayonmonster's blog! Click the cutie to see!
And...My pretty bird made it to the front page today! Lucky birdie!

I sold an owl ornament too! Good day ^__^

January 3, 2009

Frappuchinos, Mabel and the library

A lovely day today;; Jason, Isabella and I walked downtown and got yummy frappuchinos at Starbucks with the gift card my sister sent us. Yay! The day was sunny and breezy and we all had rosy noses as we walked (-:
After enjoying our drinks, we spent a long while at the playground while Isabella ran and played and swung and spinned, and then we ventured over to the library. Have I ever mentioned how MUCH I love the library?? I do. I always have. It's something of a miraculous gift in this day and age to be able to walk into a library and come away with armfuls of free books! When Isabella was a toddler we did just that, taking out so many books that sometimes I'd have to travel back and forth to the car twice to load them all in. And we would get home and read ALL of them! In one sitting! Nowadays Isabella devours books like they're chocolate cake and I am so grateful for establishing those early patterns with such gusto!

We picked up a peach cobbler and whipped cream on the way home and will partake of it shortly ^__^

I want to mention that I have been featured in an etsy treasury too -

And here, to leave off I will post the cutest picture ever.
Of course, it's of our dear sweet Mabel.

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