October 8, 2013

Be where you are.

Those words kept playing over and over in my head yesterday. It's good that I listened to them, even if only in retrospect. I customarily power through the day, there being so much to do, and a never-ending list of things that need to be done as soon as one thing gets accomplished.
But yesterday, I was so-so-so tired. That kind of tiredness that has you totally done in..where you feel like a walking zombie as you drag through your moments. I still did everything. I still made the meals, did the laundry, swept the floor, fed and watered the barn animals, cleaned the kitchen, walked the dog in the rain, minded the little ones and prepared a bushel of apples for applesauce. In the end, the applesauce burned and the whole pot was ruined which has never happened to me before, but I suppose that says a lot about my abilities while in such a state.
It's hard to "be where you are" when you have no coherent thoughts or basic mindful attention to your life!
Oh well. I know it won't last forever (:
Right now, Ollie is napping and Jude is watching a short video, even though I feel a bit guilty about that - and I am on the couch under a quilt with a cup of tea. I don't ever do this, but I should, so I am. I rather like it actually!

And totally unrelated, look at this great big fungus we found in the pasture!


2 comments:

  1. Yes, yes- it is hard to be where you are when you are so tired that your mind can't stay there. It is such a difficult job for many reasons- but I think the pressure our society puts on mothers to be "perfect" makes it all the harder. Imagine if mothers were viewed with sympathetic and understanding eyes, how much easier it would be to not worry about getting it all done. Not feel guilty about letting things go and putting your feet up once in a while! This I try to keep in mind, and try to do with peace, but often I end up feeling badly about messes or not incredibly made meals.
    HUGS

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  2. Thanks for the hugs, and the motherly understanding. Yes yes, the societal pressure really is something, isn't it? Even if you don't realize it is that you are 'battling' with every day, and yet it is there, the same way the pressure to be perfect and pretty was when you were an emerging woman. It would beautiful indeed to un-program oneself. I really wish I could do it but I suppose much of our reason for being here, and living this amazing life is to grow and learn and change. *big sigh*
    Thanks for making me smile (: and let go a little..
    xo

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